Where Is My God When It Hurts?

Another great post from Cate Redell at Infinite Sadness . . . or Hope?

Her thoughts are what runs through many a tormented mind, I think, trying to figure out why its owner is suffering.

In the darkest days of my postpartum depression, I peered into every corner, lifted every heavy layer up, searching for some reason why this was happening to me; some redeeming seed I took take forward and grow into something useful.

God is not vengeful. I don’t think this was put upon me as punishment. I don’t think I deserve this.

But are there some lessons I can take from it?

I work extremely hard at controlling things, often to my own detriment. I am horrible at admitting I need or asking for help, much to my misery. I am a perfectionist, punishing myself with an impossible ideal.

When my world spun out of control, these were all things that were impossible to maintain.

And from my earliest days, God instilled in me a desire to help others. If even one person could learn from my suffering, would that be the reason for it? My ability to not lose faith and turn my trials into something positive?

In the end, it’s all about perspective and how we choose to react to what’s given us.

Cate’s post gets to the heart of that. Enjoy!

Infinite Sadness... or hope?

Last week I wrote about struggling to find hope in the midst of the chronic pain and fatigue of  fibromyalgia (see Fatigued Hope). I admit I’m still battling this one. I don’t think there is a simple answer, yet I am frustrated by having previously written about hope, but not being able to find it to apply in this situation.

A number of people commented, in relation to that post, that I should perhaps look to my spiritual beliefs. Hence my question: where is my God when it hurts? The question is phrased as it is because I believe that spirituality is an individual thing, and as such where your God is when I hurt is not actually of much significance to me. It is in terms of how you might find comfort in your trials, but for me personally, it only about my perception of who my God…

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6 Comments

  1. Some are tested enormously through their bodies; I know I have been, and when I emerge from a battle, I find myself more compassionate, more loving; our soul grows; it’s not easy, but we are all in this together; huge hugs

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    • Jennifer Butler Basile

       /  May 11, 2013

      You’re right; our soul does grow. It’s quite a job to nurture that fragile new shoot, though, amidst all the twisted roots pulling us down. If we can, the outcome is maybe a gnarly looking plant, but one stronger and more resilient than ever!

      Thank you!

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  2. My mother has Fibromyalgia and it’s a horrible thing to deal with. Most mornings just getting out of bed is a challenge when your, almost constant companion, is pain.

    One year she and I went on a low carb diet together. My mother noticed that during the diet she was a bit more flexible and pain free. I have read since then that for some a lower carb diet can help. For me and my issues staying away from inflammatory foods such as wheat and grains helps me. I’m not sure if it’s something you’ve tried, but it might be worth searching into. I know some with Fibromyalgia find a little help from it at least.

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    • Jennifer Butler Basile

       /  May 12, 2013

      I know someone with rheumatoid arthritis who has had success with a similar diet. I’m glad it has worked for you and your mother.

      I was focusing more on the depressive portion of the reblog, but I know Cate Redell would be able to tell you about her experiences with fibromyalgia.

      Thank you for reading!

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  3. Thanks for the reblog, Jennifer. 🙂

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