I’ve been trying.
I’ve set aside novels (temporarily) for the beautifully poetic spiritual tome I was too young to read the first time around.
I’ve felt the wideness of my collarbones and my elbows hanging directly below my shoulders. I felt my head float above my neck and my thoughts detach.
I’ve felt the taut string of the universe pulling me forward, rushing past the green leaves of trees, toward the white billowy clouds against the brilliant blue sky.
I’ve heard the hypnotic rhythm of the acoustic guitar goading me on.
I’ve tried to speak new words rather than the tired routine trod into my brain.
I feel the vacillation.
Between the old and new, the positive and the negative, the healthy and the easy monotony.
It always seems to be one or the other. Never both. Never a balance.
Or maybe it is both at the same time.
Maybe it is everything all at once and I can’t be one thing at one time and something different at another.
The older you get, the more you carry with you.
It’s a special moment when you can set it all down and float freely through the universe – if only for a moment.