Desperate Measures

My feet sweat in my sneakers.

image from Marie Claire

image from Marie Claire

My t-shirt pulled under my arms.

My hair rubbed at my neck.

I tucked, pulled, squished, shrugged.

I could not get comfortable.

I wanted to rent my garments from my body and my hair from its roots.

I burned out the last of the caffeine scrubbing in the shower and fidgeted into bed with a foggy plan forming.

I dropped my last daughter off at preschool after a harried rush to the others’ bus stop.

And waited in line with the other little old ladies in front of the walk-in salon.

I chopped my hair.

I spent the remainder of the morning scouring sale racks for totally new togs.

I squandered the entire morning, returning to the preschool just in time for their singing debut in front of the senior luncheon.

The teachers, the secretary, my neighbors – all did double takes.

How brave you are, they said.

How different you look, they said.

How great it looks, they exclaimed.

I felt like it was an act of desperation.  The only grip on unpredictability I can grasp right now.  To leave as one thing and come back as another.  To blow off all responsibilities and should-dos for one morning in exchange for a few no-need-fors.

My daughter didn’t flinch.

It looks beautiful, Mommy, she said.

I don’t know if that spells success or failure for my desperate mission.

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3 Comments

  1. Little Mighty

     /  October 10, 2013

    I’m sure your hair looks beautiful. I can’t wait to see you. Sometimes we just need to try something different.

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  2. Sometimes chopping off our hair is the only thing that helps, and it can be liberating.

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    • Jennifer Butler Basile

       /  October 11, 2013

      It somehow felt like a passive-agressive stab at what was really bothering me. Whatever that was. I should probably try to figure that out and face it head on!

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      Reply

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