Big T-chart in the Sky

There is so much push and pull, pro and con about everything.  

Wandering around my house last night, I thought how much easier it will be to keep the house free of kid schmagma now that two out of three will be at school everyday.  Not bad 😉

Yet, that was after the recovery from my heart-in-throat entry at the bus stop that afternoon.  Checking out at a store twenty minutes from our house took fifteen minutes (think chicken broth carton sliced by razor leaking all over pants to be purchased at bottom of cart – and that was before the coupon fiasco).  I got stuck behind another bus on the way to meeting my own children’s.  Luckily those little kindergarteners boarding the bus after their first day of school took awhile getting sussed up, which bought me four extra minutes.  Two of which I sorely needed.  I said hello to my already waiting neighbors by way of, “I hate this.  I liked when all three of them were with me all the time and I knew they were safe, I was responsible for them.”  

Which is really just another way of saying: “I can’t prioritize and hate when someone else is in control.”

Ah, but there’s the rub.

Part of me rejoices in the quiet calm that comes with sending them off to school.  Another part of me misses having that easy breezy schedule.  Part of me (specifically the migraine-sensing one) is glad to have the on-going scream and sumo matches done for the season.  Another part of me is bummed the other two aren’t around to play with their little sister.  I can save on grocery delivery fees now that I can go to the market without plucking my eyes out – as I would do bringing all three along.  I can’t keep up our weekly midday library dates.  

I realize why it’s always been so hard for me to make a decision even when I’ve filled out the pro/con t-chart my father first sketched for me so many years ago.  It’s almost always going to be a near-equal amount of items on each side.  The trick is how much each item weighs in its importance to you.  

Alas, I do not have the choice whether to send my kids to school or not (and, no, I will not homeschool for all you smart alecks thinking of suggesting it.  Their socialization with peers is much more valuable than the sailorspeak that would bring out in me).  I cannot weigh the pros and cons of a decision not mine to make.  I can only shift things around, add, subtract, and try for the ever elusive balance hovering somewhere around the center line of that t-chart in the sky.  

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2 Comments

  1. HI Jennifer:

    Thanks for another thoughtful post! I do the pro/con chart thing too! The other trick I REALLY like is projecting myself into the future – 3 months, 6 months, 1 year, and see how I feel about each decision – this usually helps me suss through stuff, and if not, then it’s time to let my best pal weigh in and help me decide!

    And I so enjoyed hearing how hateful you find the grocery store with kids, because while there are days that I feel Zen and can tune into the time doing daily things with them, usually I avoid it at all costs because I fear I am WASTING TIME! (GASP!) And all the begging, running around corners, me tearing my hair out. Geez we get wound up about that. If only I could be Zen everyday. Thanks for sharing your un-Zen moment!

    Amy

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    • Jennifer Butler Basile

       /  August 29, 2014

      Amy, I also love the exercise of weighing a worry’s importance in the future. What is it, the 10-10-10 rule? Perspective is everything. Need to try that more often – especially at the grocery store 😉

      Thanks for commenting!

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