Free to Fall

I think waiting for the power to go out is worse than dealing with its absence.

Flush the toilet one more time, hurry to put the last load of laundry in the dryer, fill the sink with soapy rinse water. Charge the computer, the tablet, the cellphone. Stack the wood, stoke the fire, boil one more pot for tea.

This blizzard is the perfect microcosm for my anxious world.

The worrying is worse than the event.

The scenarios the brain can come up with cause more pain than living through the eventuality.

The waiting, the waiting – for the other shoe to drop, the limb to fall, the powerline to go slack.

My mind is spinning faster than the vortex of wintry wind outside.

I am not thinking of the warm cocoon my house provides, the heat radiating from the wood stove that didn’t exist during the last such storm, the canned and dry goods in the pantry.

I am on edge. I am a raw nerve. I am living in fear of the worst outcome not happening – for if it did, I’d be free of the worry.

Jennifer Butler Basile

Jennifer Butler Basile

Advertisements
Previous Post
Next Post
Leave a comment

6 Comments

  1. Gosh. This is just perfectly put. Hope you weather the storm ok. Thats a great photo. Xoxo.

    Like

    Reply
  2. Insightful and evocative of that feeling of dread and suspended animation while awaiting the next disaster. Especially appreciate the part about “the imagined is worse than the actual event”. So true, so true. No amount of preparedness can erase that thread of worry that taints everything in our path. Do hope the weather doesn’t turn your world upside down (but it sounds like you’ve got your bases covered).

    A long, long, long time ago, (1976), a blizzard hit Ohio while I was staying with my brother and his wife, and their newborn infant son. My brother had to dig out from a second story window, clear a path to his 4×4 truck, and carefully drive two counties away to find a store that was open so that he could buy formula for the baby. It took him two days to get back home, and there were some very anxious moments for the sleepless and worried new momma, so I understand that idea about preparedness as a necessity, even though it can’t stop the worrying. Hope all goes well for you as the storm passes through.

    Like

    Reply
    • Jennifer Butler Basile

       /  January 28, 2015

      That would be the worst kind of scenario to imagine – or live. Glad you, your brother and sister-in-law – and that dear baby! – all made it through okay.

      In real time, our storm ended up being nowhere near as bad. But mind time is a whole ‘nother story.

      Like

      Reply
  3. Interesting, because waiting for the storm meant I could read, relax and cook something warm.

    Like

    Reply
    • Jennifer Butler Basile

       /  January 28, 2015

      That’s what I was hoping to do! I just kept running around trying to accomplish one more thing before the power went out. I was kicked into anxious overdrive.

      Like

      Reply

Throw Another Potato in the Pot

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: